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Asia is a melting pot of different cultures, religions and values. Ever since Marco Polo made his way to this part of the world, people had their own ideas, misconceptions or prejudices without even knowing some basic facts first hand.
Some of those prevail even today, especially about mixed relationships.
With this I mean relationships between Asian and Caucasian women or men.
Everyone heard those kind of stories of bald, old, fat foreign men flocking to Asia and soon be seen hand-in-hand with an exotic beauty. Sooner than later they will buy a house and a pickup truck for their ‘new-found family’. A bit later they are back were they were before - just stripped of their money and other belongings. Need an example?
Check out this thread at Lonely Planets travel forum. Symptomatic?
Let’s examine first, what kind of obstacles mixed couples face here when getting into a relationship:
Acceptance
For sure the days of strange looks and talking behind someones back aren’t completely over yet. Be it in Europe, when a guy visits some friends with his Asian girlfriend or wife; sooner or later the usual stories about ‘Mail Order Brides’ will pop up. Or that he brought her home from his recent ‘Sex Bomber Trip’ from Thailand.
In Asia there are similar prejudices, though not in all countries same strong. In Singapore, where the term SPG (Sarong Party Girl - a woman who is attracted to western man) was originally coined around the old colonial days of Sir Stamford Raffles, it’s pretty common now to see mixed couples all around the city. Cut and dried opinions still exist - mainly in the older generations - but they are rarely heard in broad daylight.
It’s becoming more and more acceptable these days to try out ‘fresh blood’ and some Singaporean Women even rave about the cuteness of Eurasian children and else. What a nice fusion! 
Is it a wonder that most of MTV Asia VJ’s are Eurasians made in Singapore and elsewhere in Asia?
There is almost a Person Cult about those ‘New Breed’; people like Denise Keller (German father/Chinese mother), Sarah Meier (Swiss, Chinese and Filipino roots), Sonia Couling (English father/Thai mother), Max Loong (Swiss father, Malay mother) are adored by millions of Asians and are a new kind of local Celebrities in their own sense.
The Philippines have plenty of mixed blood as well, as you can see on this site of Wikipedia. And check out this huge list of famous Eurasians!
Still - if you are planning to getting engaged to your Asian partner, there are plenty of things to consider. Read on:
Different Values
While in most Asian societies the family is still the highest instance (after God maybe); this isn’t the case anymore in Europe, the US or in most other parts of the Western World. Western people are usually said to be more independent, individualistic and more adventurous. Respect or trust are important values as well, but are lived out in different ways in the corporate world and daily life (more here, would lead to far now).
In Asia, arranged marriages still exist and it’s not uncommon, that the offspring of the post-war generation still lives in his/her 30’s with their parents.
Sex is perceived completely different here than in the Western Hemisphere. It’s mainly non-public, rarely talked or written about and almost always behind closed curtains (except defined red-light zones, e.g. Geylang, Pat Pong, Ermita, Pasay, Kramat Tunggak).
While mistresses are a common and accepted thing in arranged marriages and beyond, casual Sex amongst the youth and twentysomethings is generally not. But most of Asia’s famed massage parlors or shady/shiny Karaoke places are visited by the locals for many and not the original reasons.
In the Western World, Sex is nothing mysterious anymore; just switch on any satellite channel around midnight, browse through any public available magazines or simply walk the streets of the big cities like Amsterdam, Hamburg or London.
With globalization and the influx of immigrants from other continents, things are changing dramatically. More so in more liberal countries like Singapore, Thailand or Philippines (in some ways), less for instance in countries with a ‘tough religious grip’, like Malaysia or Indonesia.
In general - Libertarianism and Freethought are still very rare in Asia.
Thus the rising attraction to ‘the others’, may they called ‘Bule’, ‘Farang’, ‘Ang Mo’ or whatever Caucasians are named in Asia. Asia’s younger generations (like anywhere else) go more easy on exploring new values, trying out new things; because one has to find out, “if the grass is really greener on the other side”.
Pride and Prejudice
Unfortunately - Racism, Stereotypes and Prejudices still exist; in Asia as well as in the Western World:
- Western men are much ‘bigger’ down there.
- An Asian girl with a Western guy is for sure a Prostitute, Bar Girl, a Gold Digger or only ‘wants to escape her misery in her 3rd-world country’.
- Western men with Asian girls can’t get a gal in their home country, they are mainly fat, old and bald-headed, criminals, losers or escapists in their country of origin.
- Asian men with a Western woman are all Beach Boys or Gigolos.
- Asian girls are usually ‘kampung’-girls from a small forgotten village, dumb as straw, submissive - but good in bed, due to having worked years and years in Go-Go Bars or worse.
- Asian women go mainly for older men because of the security, maturity and the financial benefits (Shopping anyone?) they offer.
- Younger Caucasian men have no responsibilities nor do they like any form of commitment, they are only going for the cheap f*ck (aka FFF - ‘Fun’ for Free)
I’m sure you heard all those before and can add plenty of other stereotypes here. Feel free to do so via the Comment Form!
My 2 cents: for sure there is always some drop of truth in a sea of rumors. But most of these stereotypes result mainly from ignorance, 2nd-hand hearsay, narrow-mindedness or pure jealousy.
Religion (not again!)
I know, religion is always a serious topic. We’ve been down that road before. In general, antiquated religious teachings build more road blocks to mixed relationships than making it easier for them:
Can’t use condoms, must marry a partner of same religion - no infidel of course, your partner has to convert, no sex before marriage, virginity is priceless, being gay is wrong and unnatural - you name it - you heard it all and more.
When will religious leaders begin to modernize their antiquated beliefs and start to think in more realistic ways?
Life is not grey and white and things are not how they were written down thousands of years ago. Even at that time life wasn’t perfect. Besides, life and its values evolve and neglecting other ways won’t bring you more followers anyway.
So why not let go and start to accept the way of life everyone choses for himself? Ahhhh, you will lose mass influence and your fear factor? Okay, keep going, but please don’t force your beliefs on others!
It would be great, if it would be that easy - but religion can still be the deal-breaker in mixed relationships these days. Just be aware of it and try to find a way which suits your situation.
Worst case - you might have to move to a more liberal country to live together.
Want to read more about Religion and Sexuality? Click here. About Religion and Relationships? Try this one.
Conclusion
As there is forever fusion in international cuisine, there is and always will be ethnic fusion or mixed relationships. Even ever-increasing these days; as outdated boundaries and unwritten rules fall and will never come back.
And that’s definitely a good thing! The times of enforced racial purity are over once and for all - thank god or thanks to modernization and globalization.
The whole concepts of Race and Racism are completely outdated. Why discriminate or force the beliefs of individuals, if you can learn so much from each other?
Rules and pressure of society, religion and our parents are losing their grip on the population of most - if not all - countries in Asia very fast. For sure, conservative politicians, moralizers and stubborn clerics are trying what they can to stop the wheels of time. But it’s fruitless and ever-more couples are enjoying the benefits of their mixed relationship.
You can learn soooo much from the other one; even more so if he/she comes from a complete different culture, background, religion or with a different mindset. If you can overcome the misconceptions and road blocks, which society and others put in your way - you can take the best of all worlds and form your own, modern family with your partner and probably one day your beautiful children.
Of course it won’t always work out - as anywhere in this world.
But you will learn in the process and will be a more open-minded and more knowledgeable individual, having tried the ‘greener grass’ or the ‘forbidden fruits’ others want you to neglect.
Humans are born to find solutions - so find yours!
If you are young or old, single or open for new experiences - travel to Asia, make new friends, learn by doing, find the ‘one’ or simply enjoy yourself.
Just respect your host country, its ethics and put some trust in the people you meet.
But don’t fret to go all the way with the ones you meet and who are willing to walk that path with you. Everything else will come on its own.
We live in a free world and the borders are open wide. Who will take the step?
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bkit walang adobo,?he.he Filipino is the best….
It did not worked for me. I will never know why. The bad thing is that there is a babyboy without a father.
Make a life with a bargirl and that’s what will happen to you, or worse…
http://www.bkkapt.com/
nom: I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes life can be about going strange and hard ways. Then after a while light is breaking through the clouds again. Are you still in contact with each other? This “not knowing” would kill me…
u sound like a guy whose travel experiences have not come to waste ;) but i have to point something out, to make ur observations more complete. while it is true that many filipinos, including myself, are of “mixed blood,” you failed to mention that our country has been a colony of spain, japan and america for a very long time. thus the filipinos who have traits other than asian’s. and not merely because there were those stereotypes you described above.
Damn Chris, your writing shows much similarities with what I think right now about living. Even if not under the title “mixed relationship”, it speaks already by its own. You show us exactly the point regarding “losing influence or fear factor”. In Asia, where family values (and by family is not just your parents!) is still highly valued, “influence” plays important role. Even when you are living independently. Not to mention, “who wants to enter the hell”-factor.
We may say, maybe, the westerners have chosen their way, while the asians are still standing in confusion in the crossing!
Actually, the Philippines, being a Roman Catholic Country is as conservative as other Southest asian countries when it comes to pre marital sex.
My classmate thought that she was pregnant (she just thought… she didn’t get a pregnancy test, which is pretty stupid since we are Nursing Students), so she and her boyfriend went to her parents and told this. Her mother took her to a clinic and was found that she really was not pregnant. in the end they still married each other (at 18) since according to her parents “nagalaw na sya” (she was “touched” already).
About the “mixed relationship” I think I would agree with you. It is just weird seeing a really tiny, dark skinned woman accompanied by a really huge, ballooned-bellied caucasian.
About the prejudice and streotypes… Filipinos consider;
Indians- as people who do not take a bath. (Pinoys love to bathe)- they really smell. Just one indian in my class is enough to stop us from learning. Man, the hygiene…
Germans- pedophiles
Chinese- stingy
Arabs- womanizers
Read this speech…
http://venusius.blogs.friendster.com/reflections/2005/12/what_an_inspiri.html
(I was the only one who gave a comment on that blog post… hehe)
I must admit, that my initial post falls a bit short in telling most of the misconceptions out there and I appreciate happily all of your current comments!
That shows that there are really a lot of stereotypes and prejudice which affect people in their daily life’s. We basically have a picture in our head about what to expect from a certain nationality. Our communication will surely consider those, if even only subliminal. And of course I agree 100% with you guys, that the real truth is something completely different (sometimes).
Mon, the speech in your link says it all. We should accept what we are, but embrace and respect other cultures, races or ideologies. We should use the opportunities life throws at us. Even though it’s sometimes hard (I know - it’s for me).
BTW: I like your collection of nationality stereotypes.
We should definitely add to that! Maybe I will make a new post with the most common ones, it could be a funny read. Thanks again!
Hi, Chris. There you go again in what is to be award-winning write-up
It was quite a long read as I included those articles found on your links :p
Since I have much orientation with differrent race and culture as I had been going out with people from different nationalities, there was not much stereotyping and prejudice (if there’s any) in my part. What is sad for me is that when my fellow Filipinos are being stereotyped of being something. For example, my Filipina friends who are married by Japanese men are being looked down by their Japanese parents-in-law thinking they are of the same level and quality with Filipino entertainers and prostitute who ventured in Japan and ended up with marriage to Japanese nationals. What makes me sad is that ssuch things are not true with my friends.
There’s another kind of stereotyping, that of Filipinos and Filipinos. Filipinas who get married with Americans (as most case in our province) are branded as “only after the dollar earning of the American spouse.” Well, there are a lot to put in the list…
As for Asian values, my girlfriend and I is still into the very traditional. We don’t practice premarital sex. My girlfriend wanted for us to consummate such thing once we’re married. And to think that she’s already 28 and I’m in the mid-30s
[...] by an idea of Mon earlier on this post, I searched the net far and wide to find the most common stereotypes about [...]
Hi there I am Manu. Just a short comment:
My father is from India, my mother from Germany. I was born in Germany and live my live as ‘global nomad’. I studied in Australia, Italy and Germany. I made my Diploma in Japan. My wife is Japanese and now we have a little son and he will go to an English school. My father is born as a Hindu, my mother is a Protestant. I was raised in a Jesuit monastery, my wife is Buddhist ….
Our family was always open for everybody. All of our family members are having a very close relationship
… on the other hand my parents are also „conservative“ and stick to religion and tradition but of cause they are very open minded people and we always enjoyed diversity in live. … even if there where sometimes people doing comments …. but you always have that if you live your own life and don’t care about what your neighbours think of your or what is „normal“.
It just depends on yourself, and I can’t imagine living an other live …
Manu, that’s for sure an interesting mix of race, education and religion you have in your family! When I will have kids one day, I want to raise them like this. I like this truly cosmopolitan and open-minded thinking, to let everyone live up to his/her own ways. It’s admiring to see how you can take the best out of it and create your own unique style of life. Kudos!
Dodong, when reading your comment I had the feeling, that you were pulling my legs in not only one way - especially about premarital sex. I thought I knew you better from your previous comments, but who am I to judge? ;)
About the stereotypes: I guess everything you said is true and more. And for sure we experience those in our daily life. But as you said as well, it’s about how we take it, what we make out of it and if we let those prejudices influence how we cope and deal with people. As long as we can differentiate and see the real self in everyone we meet, there shouldn’t be a problem. Ignorant people are everywhere, we let them be and move on to mix with the more tolerant ones.
Hi, Chris. I’m an open-minded person, and I usually respect other people’s opinion. In the case of my girlfriend and me, it was not out of being so traditional in my part, but it is of my girlfriend’s decision that I had to be respected
But, oh, how I wish… 
Chris, after checking a bit your web page and reading your CV I am sure you’ll do that: “… I want to raise them like this.”
Seems like you also are going you own way – I admire your power to quit everything restart again and experience life (not many people would do that!) – “and create your own unique style of life”.
Manu, that was more an urgent necessity after my 14 years work life, as I was really burned-out and frustrated at the end. On my travels I discover(ed) that there is more to life than earning money, doing things without productive value and satisfying only the need of your boss, company and society. And yeah, if I have kids I want them to see and feel all that at a very young age and not only when they are old and burned-out as well. So I guess we know the right thing to do! ;)
Dodong, I know that you are an open-minded yet respecting person. Just wanted to pull your leg as well. And for for sure I can understand your thoughts behind your decision and I bet your girlfriend appreciates that very much. Even more so as it might be hard for you
Chris, I always worked as a freelancer and/or doing arts – so I was lucky not to wait till I am burned-out. I couldn’t make it in an office having a boss. Freedom is the most important for me wile I work – even if you work as a freelancer more than from 9 to 5 … but your own thing, that’s why I am building up a freelancer network – but that’s a different story. Maybe I will contact you (meet you) for that reason when I am coming to Asia. I am planing to do a world-tour searching for “interesting” people joining in the network. Better direct via e-mail, I don’t want to spoil that discussion. Or maybe a new topic – work wile you travel?
Your ideas sound interesting. Will definitely think about it! ;)
I am a Filipina living and working in Switzerland. My colleages just admitted to me 2 weeks ago that before meeting me and hearing all my stories about how catholic we are in the Philippines, they thought that Filipinas are easy and “for sale”. I am glad that I changed their minds. The problem is, when a foreigner comes to the Philippines (or other Asian countries), the only place where they meet local women are in bars. The problem is, one most probably cannot meet a “normal” woman in a bar. Then they would conclude that all Filipinas are “for sale”.
Honestly, in the beginning of my relationship with my husband (when he was just my boyfriend), I was so ashamed to walk with him in the street. I am used to being respected, you see, but when I was with him in Manila, I get treated very badly. What is strange is that now after being married 4 years, I don’t care anymore about being seen with him or not, and it seems that the people also don’t care anymore.
[...] Chirs comes to us with this article: Mixed Relationships in Asia - a Status Quo. You can check this out at nomad4ever. [...]
Im married to a pinay and I can tell you; for the most part, our experiances here (we live in Texas, USA) have been ok. but let it be known: 2008 or not ,there are still alot of racist morons, alive and well down here. its a nice relief to see so many interracial couples, mainly white men and asian women on TV commericials now! and to see them in reality out there at shopping malls, stores, etc. the barriers are coming down fast, much to the chagrine of the “old guard” who were raised on that whole “Asia is one big country and they’re all Japanese” idiotic redneck bullshit. speaking of stereotypes falling out of someone’s mouth…..my wife’s now EX-boss was quoted as saying within earshot of my wife, no less, “yeah….and I heard they all eat dogs over there! disgusting!”……….this was a company in a well-to-do affluent suburb of North Houston.
needless to say my wife has since moved on and is working elsewhere now, much happier with less fucktard redneck mentality idiots around her.